In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGANAre you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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I told you I was sick.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN