My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGANAre you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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I told you I was sick.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN