Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGANAre you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
SPIKE MILLIGAN