If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
SPIKE MILLIGANIs there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGANA lot of learning can be a little thing.
SPIKE MILLIGANA sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
SPIKE MILLIGANAnd God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGANI thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGANWe haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGANContraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGANBlessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
SPIKE MILLIGANOnly on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
SPIKE MILLIGANRender any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGANA bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGANThere are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGANIn the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGANYou can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN