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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.

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Animal Education Funny Start

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Occasion Protection
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Far Laughter Live Time
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Coward Hero Legs Myself
I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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Identity Myself One Liner Thinking
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself
I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Myself Pain Stand Wake Up
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Death Myself Plant Return
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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Joke Laughter Myself Sing
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Age Confusion Father Myself Name
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Myself Talk
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Country Enough Fools Funny People Politics Time Yourself
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Hope Myself Sing Yourself
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Blessing Deep Hard Time Light Perspective Philosophy
There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Rain Sky

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