Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGANEducation isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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I told you I was sick.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN