Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGANEducation isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN