A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
SPIKE MILLIGANI shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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I told you I was sick.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGAN