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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

Rodney Dangerfield

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Everyone Fruit Laugh Loom Met Morning Underwear
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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