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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Everyone Fruit Laugh Loom Met Morning Underwear

Bagwalas

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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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Come Drink Go Juice Prune Take Viagra
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Calendar Day Get Jealous Look May Other Ridiculous Want Wife
Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Halloween Kind Life Look Parent Sent
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Everything Marriage Room Sepaetae Sleep Together Vacation
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Born I Morning Mother Sickness
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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Another Came Cement Felt Hand Neighborhood Real Some Tough
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Fat Found Look One Only Out People Way
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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