My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDA girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






