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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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Another Came Cement Felt Hand Neighborhood Real Some Tough
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Fight Full Hope Man Reform Seventy Still Twenty Want
A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Another Come Day Girl Home Nobody Over Phone
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Age Food Kitchen Life Mirror Over Tab Taken
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Born I Morning Mother Sickness
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Fat Found Look One Only Out People Way

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