When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhen I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWith my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDEach time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhen I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWe sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWith me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD