My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDA girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD