My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD