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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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