On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOn Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDOne year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhen I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDIt’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDEach time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDLife is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD