I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDIt’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDWhat a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDEach time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDThe way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDIf it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD