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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Frink Last Much Olive Sample Time Too

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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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Ask Birth Boy Control One Poster Year
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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Bartender Plumber Psychiatrist See Seen Told Truth Wife
A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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Another Come Day Girl Home Nobody Over Phone
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
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Asleep Blind Day Face Kid Library Man One Pimple Plenty Raed Wake
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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Dog Drink Glass Kiss Lip Married Stay Tough Wife
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Around Came Carry Father Picture Wallet
My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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All Antier Chocolate Cook Got Mae Mouse Stuck Throat Wife
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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Cigarette General Met Offer Surgeon
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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Afraid Dark Light Me Naked Saw Wife
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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Dog Family Found Look Three Tree
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Born I Morning Mother Sickness
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Back Car Drive Want Wife
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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Fight Full Hope Man Reform Seventy Still Twenty Want
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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Country Dog Every Leave Pyramid Room Some
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Halloween Kind Life Look Parent Sent

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