I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
-
-
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD