What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD