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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Ask How Big People Pet Store Work

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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Arm Bone Dog Favorite My
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Back Car Drive Want Wife
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Family Found Look Nap Tree Was
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Bee Butcher Kid Told Wife
My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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Ben Big Clock Country Cousin Find Gay
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Bath Hate Parent Radio Toast Toy
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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Happy Met Twenty Wife Year
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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Another Came Cement Felt Hand Neighborhood Real Some Tough
A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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Another Come Day Girl Home Nobody Over Phone
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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Ask Birth Boy Control One Poster Year
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Fat Found Look One Only Out People Way
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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Acting Del Delicate Mask Put Very
Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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Act Actor Each Expose Himself Nide Time
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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Fight Full Hope Man Reform Seventy Still Twenty Want
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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Cheat Good Goodness Kid Look Me Wife

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