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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Fed Me Mother Shot Sing So Ugly Use

Bagwalas

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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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