I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD