I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD