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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second

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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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