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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second

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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Acting Del Delicate Mask Put Very
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Happy Met Twenty Wife Year
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Cigarette General Met Offer Surgeon
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Born I Morning Mother Sickness
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Arm Bone Dog Favorite My
My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Brown Sie Told Uncle Wear Wish Yellow
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bee Butcher Kid Told Wife
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Again Boyfriend Broke Her Marriage Trock Up Wife
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Birthday Ever Had Join Respect Toast Water Wife Women
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Breast Fed Friend Like Me Mover never Only She Told
My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

All Antier Chocolate Cook Got Mae Mouse Stuck Throat Wife
Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bowl Just Life Pit
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Back Car Drive Want Wife
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Brown Dentist Go Teeth Tie Told Wear Yellow
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Honest Luck Politician Run Way
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Frink Last Much Olive Sample Time Too

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