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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield

Related Topics

Crazy Opinion Psychiatrist Said Second

Bagwalas

Popular Authors

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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Dog Drink Glass Kiss Lip Married Stay Tough Wife
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Ask How Big People Pet Store Work
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Around Came Carry Father Picture Wallet
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Age Food Kitchen Life Mirror Over Tab Taken
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Always Found Kid Move Parent
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Cat Cover Kept Me Play Sandbox Up
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Honest Luck Politician Run Way
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Broke Game Hockey Night Other Out Went
My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Brown Sie Told Uncle Wear Wish Yellow
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Again Boyfriend Broke Her Marriage Trock Up Wife
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Calendar Day Get Jealous Look May Other Ridiculous Want Wife
Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bowl Just Life Pit
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Bartender Plumber Psychiatrist See Seen Told Truth Wife
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Born Doctor Mother Slap Ugly
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Happy Met Twenty Wife Year
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Get Honest No Politician Respect Run

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