Funny Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Funny with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Funny quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

Bores can be divided into two classes; those who have their own particular subject, and those who do not need a subject.
A. A. MILNE

Bore Class Division Funny Need Particular Subject
Before I came here I was confused about this subject. Having listened to your lecture I am still confused. But on a higher level.
ENRICO FERMI

Confusion Funny Listening Myself Subject
Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.
WILL ROGERS

Chair Deserve Funny High Five Face People
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Connection Funny God Himself Light Wait
What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
ADAM FERRARA

Funny God Going Hell Humor Know Reason Woman
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Country Enough Fools Funny People Politics Time Yourself
There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.
WILLIE NELSON

Career Doctor Drink Funny Myself
I’m very, very amateur, which is funny because I’m not in the amateur leagues.
SHAWN MENDES

Amateur Competition Funny Myself
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
AL MCGUIRE

Funny Helmet Hilarious Humorous Mystery Only Pilot
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN

Alcohol Floor Funny One Liner Tequilla
I could have sexual chemistry with vinegar.
JESSICA ALBA

Chemistry Connection Funny Myself
So you’re doing that the first two or three screenings, and then finally, you dial the movie in and it’s working, and at that point, it’s 50/50 as far as what’s funny and what’s working.
ADAM MCKAY

Dial Doing Finally First Funny Movie Point Screening Three Two Working
True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.
ABIGAIL VAN BUREN

Dangerous Education Funny Ignorance Learning True
When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Care Charm Connection Funny Learning Mother
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX

Father Funny Humour Plastic Surgeon Surgeon Women
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Goodness Myself Oneself Worth
The last 29 days of the month are the toughest!
NIKOLA TESLA

Funny Month One Liner Tough
It’s so funny when people who are not used to making movies get into it. You just can’t believe how insufferably boring it is.
AL PACINO

Around Believe Boring Funny Get Insufferbly Into Make Movie People Waiting
Whenever I’m sick, my doctor jokes that I have Beiber Fever!
JUSTIN BIEBER

Doctor Fever Funny Joke Sick
The highway of life is filled with flat squirrels that couldn’t make a decision.
JOHN C. MAXWELL

Animal Decision Funny Life
I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLA

Finished Funny Humor Masturbatory Pizza Session Two
It’s crazy to think North West can already read better than Kendall Jenner.
KENDALL JENNER

Crazy Funny Reading Thinking
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor
People get bent out of shape about the fact that when I was a kid, you could not drink out of certain water fountains. Well, the water was the same.
CLARENCE THOMAS

Children Drink Fact Funny Myself People Water
Not that smart. Not that hot. Not that nice. Not that funny. That’s me: I’m not that.
JOHN GREEN

Attitude Funny Nice Smart
I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.
MEGAN FOX

Funny Guy Nerd Reason
If more government is the answer, then it was a really stupid question.
RONALD REAGAN

Answer Funny Government Question Sarcastic Stupidity

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