Funny Quotes

If someone has Ebola at a cocktail party they’re contagious and you can catch it from them.

I love only one girl, one in every town.

Woman of my dreams, I don’t sleep so I can’t find her.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I’m still a little certain I’m a wizard.

I grew up in a house that liked to be funny. Everybody liked to be funny. My family’s been…we’ve been enjoying each other’s comedy for years.

When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.

Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn’t help if your ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up.

What was God doing before the divine creation? Was he preparing hell for people who asked such questions?

I can’t live without posting pictures.