Funny Quotes

It’s funny how some people can make you feel alone and be right next to you. While others can be thousands of miles away and still make you feel connected.

I want to ride in a cold air balloon. “This isn’t going anywhere!”

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’

It’s very funny that I’m being appreciated for my dance moves because when I was young, I was made fun of, as nobody thought I was able to dance.

I’ve had an experience through music that has touched almost every part of me. It educated me in ways that I didn’t get educated in school. So we try to lay on a bit of that, through being funny, being serious, playing hard.

Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.

I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, “Hey, do you mind if I join you?” Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.

Einstein, stop telling God what to do!

Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

Fish and visitors smell in three days.