Adam Carolla Quotes

My first car was a motorcycle.

You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.

I am not a good cue card reader.

Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.