Adam Carolla Quotes

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.

I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

Welfare is monetary methadone.

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.

I get depressed at airports.

Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.

Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.