Adam Carolla Quotes

The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.

There are certain things women are better at than men.

Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.

People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.

All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.

Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.