We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
PHYLLIS DILLERNext to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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