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When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

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Bottle Kiss Play Quater Spin Want

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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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