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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

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Before Enough Fiance Get Marry Meet Officer Parent Parole

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Ask Country Football Good Hairdresser Helmet Look People Person Say
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Country Discover Elect Eyewear Just Measurement People Person
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beaten Before Him Husband Lick Mixer Want
Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
PHYLLIS DILLER

After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bottle Kiss Play Quater Spin Want
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Do Life Practice Work Yourself
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Humble Keep Know Mirror
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Down Head Kwwp Laugh Pro Real Reson See Tell
In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Drive License Made Most Now Old Sense Sixteen State Year
I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Baby Born Doctor Everybody Slap Ugly World
Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Always Before Down Drink Fall Friend Health
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Also Career Felt Husband Marriage Mix Work

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