Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
PHYLLIS DILLERA smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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