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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.

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Enough Laugh Wrinkle

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Popular Authors

Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bottle Kiss Play Quater Spin Want
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Brisk Excercise Good Idea Sit
Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Before Enough Fiance Get Marry Meet Officer Parent Parole
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Children Dust Furniture Love Name Write Yera
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bad Earn Ever Kid Last Lose Money Old Teeth Thing
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Do Life Practice Work Yourself
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Aligator Barefoot Compliment Know Shoe Someone
By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Common Crave Far Mist Pregnant Prepare Women
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Also Career Felt Husband Marriage Mix Work
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Glove Love Old Sport Through
A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Again Happen Last Night Nothing Terrible Thing
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Accused Constant Country Drought Fire Food Mud Swanson

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