I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLERA smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
PHYLLIS DILLERThere’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
PHYLLIS DILLERIt’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
PHYLLIS DILLERBest way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
PHYLLIS DILLERA terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLERI am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
PHYLLIS DILLERI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
PHYLLIS DILLER… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
PHYLLIS DILLERI will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLERBurt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
PHYLLIS DILLER