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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

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Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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