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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

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Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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