By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
PHYLLIS DILLERTranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
PHYLLIS DILLER