His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
PHYLLIS DILLER