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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

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Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very
A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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Again Happen Last Night Nothing Terrible Thing
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Humble Keep Know Mirror
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Bachelor Guy Made Mistake Once Some
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Age Back Do Go More Than
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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Come Have May Live Onion Ought Side So Sport
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Curve Set Smile Straight
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Bed Fight Go never Stay Up
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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Chance Housework Kill Rake You
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Hat On Screw Wrinkle
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blood Discontinue Know Type
Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Aim Fool High Off Shoot
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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Avoid Beget Children Desire Entirely Mean Poverty Single Something Violence

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