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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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Children Dust Furniture Love Name Write Yera
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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Common Crave Far Mist Pregnant Prepare Women
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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Before Clean Grow House Kid Shovel Snow Stop Up
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party

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