It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLERRemember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
PHYLLIS DILLER