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I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

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Central Crime Night Only Park Reduce Trade Walk Woman

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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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