Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
PHYLLIS DILLERAim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
PHYLLIS DILLERIt would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
PHYLLIS DILLERI was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
PHYLLIS DILLERI asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
PHYLLIS DILLERIn most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLERI spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLERWe Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLERThere’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
PHYLLIS DILLERI will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
PHYLLIS DILLERA terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLERComedy is tragedy revisited.
PHYLLIS DILLERWhen I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
PHYLLIS DILLER