I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLERIt would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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self-pity is better than none.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLER