The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
PHYLLIS DILLERIt would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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self-pity is better than none.
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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
PHYLLIS DILLER