I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLERIt would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
PHYLLIS DILLER






