All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLERIt would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
PHYLLIS DILLER