My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLERIt would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER