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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.

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Again Happen Last Night Nothing Terrible Thing

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Away Children Home Keep Only Parent Some Thing Threaten
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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Come Have May Live Onion Ought Side So Sport
Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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Central Crime Night Only Park Reduce Trade Walk Woman
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Common Day Husband Married Only Same Thing
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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Body Doctor Hope Look Reincarnation Said Yes
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Love Man Marry Money Nothing Tennis
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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Aligator Barefoot Compliment Know Shoe Someone
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Curve Set Smile Straight
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beuty Estimate Hour Seven Shop Spent
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bed Fight Go never Stay Up
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bd Commemorate Cook Country Kid Person Thanksgiving Through
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beaten Before Him Husband Lick Mixer Want
Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Aim Fool High Off Shoot

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