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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

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Beauty Came Constant Country Hit Last Mouth Once People Person

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Humble Keep Know Mirror
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Bed Fight Go never Stay Up
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Beneath Breast Knee Law Left Mother Out Pain Trick Tuned
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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Exactly Friend Laugh Look Man Passport Photo Picture Realize
Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Appendix Back Divorce Husband Like Put Remarry
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Blood Discontinue Know Type
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Along Always Easy Only Same Tell Understand
I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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Baby Born Doctor Everybody Slap Ugly World
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Age Back Do Go More Than
… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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Children Dust Furniture Love Name Write Yera
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Beauty Day Fourteen Give never Plan Ten Up Year

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