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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

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Beauty Came Constant Country Hit Last Mouth Once People Person

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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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Come Enemy Geet House Mess Really Strange Win
Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Cook Food Lose May never Serve Taste
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Common Day Husband Married Only Same Thing
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Do Life Practice Work Yourself
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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Body Doctor Hope Look Reincarnation Said Yes
You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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Airbag Now Old Walkertr
If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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Enough Laugh Wrinkle
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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Bad Earn Ever Kid Last Lose Money Old Teeth Thing
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Accidental Day Enjoy Ever Gin Iron Only Steam Time
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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Feature Made never That What
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Ask Country Football Good Hairdresser Helmet Look People Person Say
Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Bed Course Fang Gone Mad Month Three True Was Year
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Afford All Children Move Them Thing Want

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