Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
MARK TWAINGiving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
More Mark Twain Quotes
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If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.
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The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
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It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
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Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.
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Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
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The secret to getting ahead is getting started.
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be – a Christian.
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All right, then, I’ll go to hell.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.
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Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.
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There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
MARK TWAIN