“A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.””

Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.

Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.

When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”

Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.

Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.

Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.

The key is not being overconfident. You should not think that because I’m a top-ranked player, I will win this game. You have to be focused.

Have lots of experiments, but make sure they’re strategically focused.

Read carefully anything that requires your signature. Remember the big print giveth and the small print taketh away.

A low-minded person should not be given good advice.

The world’s most funniest and easiest thing is to give an advice.

Don’t expect others to listen to your advice and ignore your example.

Be of love a little more careful than of anything.

The best advice I’ve ever got is to be yourself. Stay true to who you are and what you stand for and you’ll go far in life.