“I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.”

Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’

To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

Better laid than never.

Have I been buried alive by chronic pain? I can taste the dirt as they put me in the earth, thick on my lips like the honey that drips down my lips.

Hate all you want that doesn’t change the fact I’m one of the hardest young niggas alive night now.

I won’t be like Snow White and wait around for some guy. Prince charming’s kiss isn’t the only thing that makes me feel alive.

Hope is the only thing that keeps us alive. Without hope there can be no you or I.

Sometimes life breaks us and buries us alive, but that is how we find our purpose and rise bloom in love.

In the morning it was morning and I was still alive.

Pain is only a reflection that proves you are alive.

Every day is a holiday: you open your eyes, and you realize that you are alive, and this is already a great start, because you might not have woken up.