“I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.”

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.

Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.

I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.

Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.

Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

Because you are alive, everything is possible.

I’m happy to be alive, I’m happy to be who I am.

I want to stay hopeful, even though I get scared about why we’re even alive at all.

What is the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?

I just look for someone who makes me feel like life is an exciting opportunity and, you know, just like to be alive.

The greatest of all miracles is to be alive.

Better to not know which moment may be your last. Every morsel of your entire being alive to the infinite mystery of it all.

Better to not know which moment may be your last. Every morsel of your entire being alive to the infinite mystery of it all.