The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS
If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS -
Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
JOAN RIVERS -
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
JOAN RIVERS -
If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS -
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
JOAN RIVERS -
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
JOAN RIVERS -
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
JOAN RIVERS -
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS -
Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
JOAN RIVERS -
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
JOAN RIVERS -
The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS -
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
JOAN RIVERS -
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
JOAN RIVERS -
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
JOAN RIVERS