“On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.”

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

Better laid than never.

We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.

In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.

A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.

I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.

I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.

Old age is always ten years more than we are.

Happiness, at my age, is breathing

My daughter is not an object to flash around or a prized item to put on display.

Well, knowledge is a fine thing, and mother Eve thought so; but she smarted so severely for hers, that most of her daughters have been afraid of it since.

I believe strongly in the rights of women… my mother is a woman, my sister is a woman, my daughter is a woman, my wife is a woman.

No one expected the preacher’s daughter to sin, but they sure would love to catch me at it.

I’m the daughter of two Indian immigrant doctors, and I have an older sister and younger brother, and none of us have pursued medicine as a career. We’re all over the artistic side of things.

Love without hope, as when the young bird-catcher Swept off his tall hat to the Squire’s own daughter, So let the imprisoned larks escape and fly Singing about her head, as she rode by.

We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons… but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.

Art is the daughter of freedom.