“To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.”

Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.’.

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’

You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.

I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.

Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.

If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.

Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.

Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

Don’t let the negatives of life control you. Rise above them. Use them as your stepping stones to go higher than you ever dreamed possible.

Negativity is a trait, not someone’s identity.

I don’t look into negative things. Go past mistakes and look forward.

There’s so much negativity in the world and what you only need to hear is all the love. People try to say to me, ‘I just heard someone say this or that about you,’ and I just ignore it because it’s irrelevant. Love is what makes the world go around, and that’s all we need to focus on.

There’s so much negativity in the world and what you only need to hear is all the love.

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.

Love and gratitude can part seas… It can move mountains and it can create miracles. The power of love and gratitude will dissolve all negativity in our lives no matter what the form has taken.

you parrot negative things and squawk about the things you don’t love, you are literally jailing yourself, like a parrot in a cage. Every time you talk about what you don’t love, you are adding another bar to the cage and you are locking yourself away from all the good.