If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARXI am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX






