I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARXDie in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX