If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARXShe got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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All geniuses die young.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX