Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARXI’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX