Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARXI’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX






