He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARXI’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Time wounds all heels.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX






