I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX