I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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I only write first editions.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARX