The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
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I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX