Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARXLearn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Time wounds all heels.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX