Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARXMan does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX