Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARXMan does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX






