Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARXMan does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX