Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARXGetting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX -
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX