Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARXGetting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX