I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARXGetting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX






