The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLINPeople always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
More George Carlin Quotes
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLIN -
The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLIN