I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLINPeople always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
More George Carlin Quotes
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLIN