I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
BOB HOPEWhen we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things – not the great occasions – that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
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The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
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Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!
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I have too much money invested in sweaters.
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Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
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The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
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Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
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My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
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I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
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Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
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Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
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I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
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A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
BOB HOPE