I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
BOB HOPEDying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
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Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
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England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.
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Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!
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My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
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I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’
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I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
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It’s amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn’t sell theirs threw them away.
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I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
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The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
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Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
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I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
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As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
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YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.
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The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.
BOB HOPE