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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.

Bob Hope

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPE

Addresses Government Perfect Return
Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Italian
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Night Reason Same
Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Japan
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
BOB HOPE

Friend Funny Hate Inspiration
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
BOB HOPE

Funny Item People Telling Years
I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.
BOB HOPE

Men President Six
In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.
BOB HOPE

Funny Rain Weather
I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
BOB HOPE

Although Beautiful Girl Lucky Over Thing Whole
It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.
BOB HOPE

Course Golf Wounded
Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
BOB HOPE

Funny Golf Same Time Together
Television is the box they buried entertainment in.
BOB HOPE

Boxes Entertainment Television
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
BOB HOPE

Christmas Holiday Old Fashioned Xmas
You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
BOB HOPE

Age Country Middle People Weightlifting
I can’t give up Golf, I’ve got too many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.

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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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