I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
BOB HOPEWhen they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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I’ve got to watch myself these days. It’s too exciting watching anyone else.
BOB HOPE -
Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
BOB HOPE -
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE -
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
BOB HOPE -
You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra.
BOB HOPE -
The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
BOB HOPE -
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
BOB HOPE -
US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!
BOB HOPE -
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
BOB HOPE -
There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
BOB HOPE -
My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
BOB HOPE -
Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.
BOB HOPE -
I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.
BOB HOPE -
I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
BOB HOPE -
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
BOB HOPE